MUAHAAHAHA...i'm turning into such a girly girl. :D
I've just bought a DRESS. Yes, you heard me, a dress. And perfume. Yes, perfume. Hahaha...Teri Isabella Tan Xiang Rong [aka TiT] is going to be wearing a RED SLEEVELESS dress with estee lauder perfume! HAHAAHAHAHAHA
Stop laughing at me la. I know it's very funny, but it's nice to be glam once in a while [very once in a while] And don't even THINK that you people out there can blackmail me. I'm determined to pull this off. BLEAH!
I'm wearing it for chinese new year la, so obviously that's why it's red. I've yet to find matching accessories, but I think people will faint as it is. The last time I wore a dress was when I was about 7 or 8...even then I didn't like it all that much. Even my confirmation was a shirt and skirt. Dresses has always been a no no. But this yr, I'm going all out! WHEEEEEEEEEE~
I hope it looks as nice as it did when I tried it on in the shop. I know that dressing rooms often have a whimsical, even magical effect on a person, hypnotising us into thinking we actually look stunning in something, but after bringing it home, it looks like crap. HA.
The thing is I can't stand to wear it at home in case this fear is realised! Ahahahahaha... I've spent too much bloody money to turn back now. I'm definitely wearing it. So there.
Haiz.... if only I felt as confident as I talk. :D
WHEEEeeeeEEEEEEEE~
Ok, I've gotta go... want to actually finish my food. Adios. See ya soon.
~Crazy, Delusional, But Blissfully Happy~
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
5:01 PM
There's this saying, 'your first love feels like your last'
Hahah....isn't there some truth to that?
I know for me personally, it hits a homerun. I've lately been thinking about my life and the stuff I've done, or regretted doing and realised that I've never actually had the chance to slow down, take a good look at the pain I've been dealt and gotten over it. I've always just swept it under the rug or ran away from it. Even when I talk about it, I always imagine myself as a seperate entity just retelling a tale of old. Sigh.
It's not healthy. Really, it isn't and it's starting to show signs now. The glass is starting to crack and I can see the sand just slipping out through them. It hurts now to just realise that I'm in a self destructive mode. I'm hurting myself really and it's scarey. I've just realised that no matter how far i run, or how fast, I can never escape it. Ultimately, I won't be able to run anymore, and all the years of neglected pain will erupt. And that could most potentially be VERY bad for me.
Laughin and being happy is hard when in my heart there's always something tugging at me. Making me feel an empty nothingness. I don't know if anyone has ever felt this way, but I've been living with this for a long time now. I just havent been able to let go of it. I'm praying for it though. One day I suppose I'll be ready. Right now, all I can do is hope and pray that I'll be blessed with good luck.
Maybe, once I'm really over all my problems, i'll be able to experience the other half of the phrase. 'and your last love will always feel like your first'
~Open my heart oh Lord, save me from myself~
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
5:58 PM
I just noticed something folks, I've been really typing atrociously!
I duno why, but my typing is like hideous! Especially when I try to type fast. Arrgh.... hmmm I duno la... I should probably proof read my stuff before inflicting pain on my loving readers...hahaha.
Yups... I have a tendency on sounding totally ridiculous on my blog. Though I think many would say I sound even more ridiculous off it. HA. Like I care. As long as I have the freedom to express myself, I shall continue doing so with great pride! I shall wear my honour like a badge near my heart. [think soldiers]
Haiz.... I think I shall be serious today on my blog. I've been feeling a little depressed lately lah. I don't exactly know why though. Could it be that my hormones are just making it insanely difficult for me to wake up each day and smile or laugh away the tears? Haiz.... I should probably put that line into a poem or something....sounds so suicidle. Which I am not by the way. Or at least I certainly hope not.
Tomorrow should be a worser day. I suspect that I will end up having a raging headache due to the fact that I am going to meet my teachers to discuss my proposal then head off to A maths tuition. I highly doubt anyone will notice my deep seated hate for work seeing that I am an exco member as well as a long time camp leader.... ah...the irony of life. :P
But then again I must admit that if there is anyone to blame for this mess, the one and only person I could possibly turn against is myself. No other.
I chose to become a councilor. I chose to become an exco member.... i chose to be a camp leader. Haiz.... why was I so ambitious? Back in sec 1 being known was like really exhilarating. But now all I want to do is curl up in a ball in one corner and remain the unknown kid in school and concentrate on my studies.
Why? Haiz.... I'm feeling darn depressed now. Oh well... hope I'll get over it soon because it really is being a drag...and I'm not particularly nice to people when I'm tired. Oh darn.
See you la everyone but dun expect me anytime soon. Well, not until I can collect my irrate hormones and get them back in place. Pray for me my loves. See ya!
~Crazy, Delusional, But Blissfully Happy~
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
12:03 AM
Today is Christmas!
Hahaha...which is PRECISELY why I am NOT going to talk about my enormous christmas dinners that had too much good food to eat, nor am I going to talk about the absolutely wonderful presents everyone gave me like my french manicure from my brother or my cool gold class gv ticket to see any movie i want ... And I wont EVEN mention the fact that I've had a FANTASTIC time barbequeing! [is that how you spell it?]
Nope! Today on my blog you wont hear a single word about those things. Nope, Nadda, ZIP.
Hahaha... instead, I shall talk about the injustices served to lonely creatures of our earth who sorely need our protection.
Instead of talking about saving the chickens [as my good friend so aptly put it] Perhaps we should spare a thought for those poor innocent little things. The garden greens. Vegetables!
Those poor defenseless little creatures can't do ANYTHING to protect themselves. They can't even commit suicide! At least those darn chickens can cross that darn road! I mean they just sit there minding their own business and we inhumane monsters tear off their limbs and eat them live! [salad] How cruel can we get?!
Seriously. At most times, they're even waving at us [esp during a good strong wind] And all the thanks they get is being eaten without their consent? Some Vegetarians really think they're so great JUST because they're saving one animal's life. But let me tell you friends, that by saving ONE animal you are KILLING at least TEN beautiful healthy, leafy, vegetables.
Why do people treat plants in this inhumane way and pretend like we aren't? Is it because we believe that plants do not have feelings? That because they cannot think or have brains that they do not understand whats going on around them? Well let me just say that there are many things in this world that we do not know and that science will never be able to explain. I say honestly that even if that veggie can't think, I swear, it can feel!
Imagine yourself in their shoes! Would you enjoy being plucked so roughly and broken into two after being blanched and half drowned in water, then drizzled over with hot oil and fried? HUH?! Would you? Oh lord.... forgive those who do not understand....
Hahaha....okay, I'm sorry for that absolutely irrelevant rant. It was really just to be ridiculous. I still eat veggies. I still eat them live....hahah I'm in no way saying that i meant anything that i've written here so far...although I must say that there ARE tons of vegetarians who think they are greater than thou art. Oh wells....we'll see how everything goes. I'm just feeling quite bummed right now.... i dunno why, it's just that I feel rather.... depressed today. Dun mind me la. I'm just being a pain right now..... erghh.... hate these mood swings.
Okay love, I know you are very tired from reading all of this crap, so adios amigoes and good night.
~CRAZY, DELUSIONAL, BUT BLISSFULLY HAPPY~
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
11:30 PM
WHEEEEEeeeee!!!!
Finished painting my brother's room!!! WOW! I'm amazed that we've actually managed to paint the ENTIRE room in one day! Hahah... I've done my arty farty bit while Paul on the other hand was just sitting there being a useless paperweight. Although I must admit he makes a good Cinderella. He scrubs REAL good.
I'm pleased though. I've satisfised this insane need to do good work and at the same time disuage the urge to draw. Hahaha....today was a very very good day.
Tomorrow is my BBQ thingy and I've invited TONS of ppl! YAY! Paul's friends who are my friends too are coming! And Then there's the ppl from my youth group and then there's the Sotong Clan CLUB!!!! HAhaha.... Tons of friends over with food singing and happiness... Yay...life is good.
Hahah... Christmas is coming soon. What is going to happen? I wonder. But what I am wondering even more about is what life is going to be like when school reopens.
Another thing I suppose is the fact that my older blog is DREADFULLY depressing. What have I been on these past few weeks? Helium? No, wait, don't answer me. I think it's because I've really been getting used to vodka and bailey's and margaritas [which by the way are absolutely FAB] Hahaha....
WhhEEEEeeeEEeeEEeeee
My hair is WAY short right now though. It's almost like my old hairstyle when I was a young girl. Yups. Hairdresser fleeced me really, but somehow I was just too happy to care. I felt like being fleeced i think. Darnit. Note to self : Must learn how to not show my emotions so clearly.
Hahaha....
Though I quite like my hair. It's fun, light, manageable. Not long. Definitely a plus. Yups.
Okay la... I got to go, very tired liao... See ya tomorrow!! You are INVITED!!!
Crazy, Delusional, but blissfully happy~~
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
12:49 AM
I'm BACK!!!!
Muahahaha.... I'm just being pscyho at the moment. Please forgive my childishness...
I'm actually very butchered at the moment. I'm exhausted really. But I just can't wait t o tell you all about my trip to Sarawak!
It was LOVELY!! It truely was. The scenery there was absolutely to die for. Okay, so it isn't exactly lovely in the conventional sense. Coz there's like trees and weeds everywhere. But really, the place we went [kuching] is picturesque. Somehow, the overgroth, the bushes, the weeds, it just makes me feel so calm and relaxed. The greenery in sg is kinda tame really..more like manicured. The stuff down there is 100% au natural.
And the expanse of it. Totally mind boggling actually. It streches for kilometers really and it's just too fantastic for me to describe. There's this HUGE mountain COVERED in trees and from far, it really looks like this great giagantic green blob...hahah but it's pretty when the clouds drift there. I WOULD show you a picture of it with the clouds and all, except that I am soooo ridiculously careless that I deleted ALL my photos! Can you believe it?! AAArghhhhh.....
But back to the trip really, the beach resort was a wower... It was fantastic that I could fall asleep to the sound of crashing waves......
the only drawback I suppose is the hour long ride into town. In a bus. Yup.... that kinda really stinks. Coz the roads there are REALLY bumpy and we were travelling quite fast...so I was buymping my head against the roof ever so often.... good thing I have a hard head eh? ;) Oh well, other than that, the experience in Kuching was great. [did you know Kuching means cat?]
I think I'm sunburnt through...darnnit. I think I was sitting out in the sun too long. Was having a ball of a time just sitting in the waves, letting them crash over me. Totally heaven. And when you stare out, you see nothing but blue skies and white clouds. Heaven. I was sitting there for hours I think, coz my back is totally sunburnt at the moment. I was really just trying to have an even tan though, coz I got a nasty one at the LTC camp. But now, I've gotten sunburn again! Hahaha.... oh the life of it....
I LOVE KUCHING!!! I wana go back!!!!
Hahaha.... I can just imagine myself owning land there though.... just a wide expanse of land. Nothing but trees and fruits and flowers. No buildings, no roads, no cars, and no more noisy, rude idiots who think using the horn liberally is fine....ERGH
Which reminds me. The ppl there in Kuching are really nice to each other... okay not REALLY, but in terms of road courtesy, they are really nice. They don't curse at each other and they give way. AND they NEVER use the horn! Really!
Hahaha.... okay... I've gotta go sleep. Tomorrow's a big day. I've got tons to do actually. Night night!!
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
12:03 AM
YAY!!! Going for holiday soon. Will be going sarawak on the 14th to the 18th...but I guess I'm kinda disappointed in not being able to go for the youth grp outing to 'shine jesus shine' thing at st vincent d paul.
Anyway, life at the moment is great! I've really been destressing and having fun...but soon, school will be starting and we'll have to actually stop all the fun... haiz. Oh well.
I'm going to be putting up the christmas tree later... Ilove my christmas tree. I've always loved decorating stuff..so my christmas tree is no different. It's great really. Lots of gold, silver, fluff and all. I hope all my decor looks great this yr...
Hahaha.....talking abt decor, I've been continuously wrapping presents! Haha...yups! I havent finished wrapping the presents yet! :P
ok...got to go for din din now.... see ya ltr!
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
11:44 PM
Yellows, blues, golds, whites
I've been wrapping presents
through the days and night!
Haha...lame. But it is partially true tho. I HAVE been wrapping presents at night. And I LURV wrapping presents. I always feel so happy seeing a pile of lovely wrapped things lying on my table. It really does give me a huge sense of satisfaction.
And I like giving them to people too!
Haha... yesterday was .... an interesting day. We had Sarala, Leon and weina over. Had some drinks [we know how much sarala likes to drink] and we were all of laughing and talking. It was GREA/t really. Leon was hilarious and really sweet. A totally sweet boy who's 21 and has never had a girlfriend! Aww...isn't he just like mama's boy?
I don't get how Paul can get such fantastically awesome friends! But then again it wouldnt be a big surprise what with him running arnd the whole of singapore practically eating from every restaurant in sight.
Ah well, I do hope he gets on well though. He's a nice person. And I really do hope Paul will be able to keep in touch with these friends. I mean I know how tedious it is really. I've tried and frankly I ain't no good at it. But then again I am quite a doodoo bird at such intricacies.
Hahaha... I think I've been listening to Carol chan too much! Argh! Hahaha... Ok la, I got to wake up early tomorrow morning to do some recording. See ya later alligator!
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
5:16 PM
All righty now, I want all of you to admit that Christmas time is FANtastic!
Yups! It truuuuuulleeeee is. I love christmas. there's just so much fun in the air. Everyone's out shopping [which by the way ain't so fun if you aren't with you friends], there laughter everywhere, the sights, the decor.... all of it I just love.
Abi, Joan and I were in town yesterday, spending loads of dough. [which unfortunately I didn't have] and had a WONDERFUL time. And we were Sooo focused I managed to finish shopping for EVERYONE...well, okay, not everyone. There's still Joan. I don't know if I should give Sarala anythin' tho...hmmm.. Damnn... I was at the chocolate shop yesterday and I swear I could've bought her a nice vodka mix chocolate or something. Urgh... why didn't I remember sooner?
Oh well. Anyways, life is grand right now, I'm having fun and I'll let you in on a little secret. *whispers* I am making some 'special' cards for my friends! They're gonna be really cool when I'm done with it. but I can' exactly tell you why it's so cool can I. Coz then everyone would know!
Hahaha...
I just realised that I really do sound like a bimbo on my blog sometimes. Hahaha... Wonder why tho. It's not as if I'm a bimbo. I mean I really COULDN'T even if I wanted to. Okay Okay, I gotta go. Dad is calling. Seeya ltr!
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
4:15 AM
Here's abi and joan on our shopping day!
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
10:44 PM
More friends from my youth grp! Aww Aren't they cute together?
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
10:43 PM
My Gor!! My honorory gor and a ton of their friends. Pssttt...recognise my brother form the sunday times?
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
9:39 PM
yups ugly old man
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
9:37 PM
Abigale has been hounding me to get a Japanese name, though for heavensake I haven't a clue why. I'm sure she said that it was something to do with this yr's christmas pressies...hmmm...Anyway I'm totally cool with it, beside, I have a cool abrrviated name already (TiT) so why not splash out and get a japanese name too? Hahaha....
I had loads of fun choosing my name and for a minute i really really wanted to pick Leiko, which means arrogant. Hahaha... Yups! But, in the end, I decided against it. Yups. So here it is people. For the first time in history, here it is, my very own JAPANESE NAME!!!!
KeikoTamika.
Yups! Thats my new name. Basically I just took two names that I liked and stuck them together, though I'm pretty sure it ain't suppose to work that way. But whatever. Directly translated, it means 'Adored Child of the People'. Cool huh?
Hahaaa...i know my ego is totally getting a wild ride here. But if i get to name myself, it's going to be a fun name, like TIT!!
Okay Okay, on to the more important topic [altho what could be more important than my name?!] PRESENTS!!!
I'm slightly freaking out coz I havent gotten presents for my friends yet. I'm going to get them presents tomorrow. Yes with abi and joan. If I can ever get those two out without them killing each other. Yups!
Okay, so I've made a list of who I'm getting presents for - and who I've already gotten presents for. Here goes:
~ Joan [No clue]
~Abi [Ditto That]
~Hazel [Decided not bought]
~Gerry [Undecided]
~Anne [Decided not bought]
~Grace [Done YAY!!!]
~Gideon [Undecided]
~Justin [Nope]
~Tim [Nadda]
-Kill Me If I know What to Buy-
~Andrea L.
~Stella
~Siti S.
~Boon Sin
~Tze Wei
~Meidan
~Priscilla K
~Marie A.
All righty then. Let's talk about something else that's been botherin me. Money. Yup!
Can you believe what the toopid gov. was thinking when they actually decorated S.G. with that MONSTROSITY?!! OMG!! Literally! I think if they stopped wasting money on such ugly trash they might actually be able to lure that much wanted foreign talent! No wonder no one wants to come to sg! Oh gosh.... seriously. They shld pay me to do it. Really, they shld. Only I guess I'm still too young and too 'unreliable' in terms of 'capability'. Yup. I so not wanna go there today.
Anyway, are these people just freekin blind? Can they actually see what they're putting up? Or are they just dumbwits? Argghhh!!! I swear. People I see sometimes. Let me tell you, Sg is in deep chicken shit. Which would probably not be good especially since this ridiculous chicken flu is going round. Ho.... what a sad day.
On a brighter note tho, I'm going away to Sarawak on the 14th. So Astalavista baby. But unfortunately, I'll be back. Well, not unfortunate i guess. Coz really, I LOVE my friends and family. Hmm... Just not the school bit I suppose.
Marcus asked me again to go see jeanette. I suppose I could, I mean no harm done right? Well, I'll see how it is. Maybe I'll sms her tml. Tho seriously I think I have a commitment problem. I think I'm getting a phobia towards it. I hate being responsible all the time. Haiz....I'm sorry to break out into childish mode for a while, it's just I like to pretend I actually do have a choice in being responisble now and again. Ah don't worry tho, I'm sure everything will be fine. Mostly it always is.
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
6:55 PM
All of my Dearest friends....ok well...not ALL. But hey. They're good buddies. They've really been there for me these past few months. I owe them everything.
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
6:54 PM
NOOooooo
Oh GOD!!! Another yr of camp leader? NOOOOooooooooo......
I swear, I think I really will explode. Literally. Kaboom. Bam. Astalavista baby. That kind of explosion.
Haiz.....i REALLY REALLY REALLY have no time for this kinda stuff. Do they not REALIZE that we have o'levels? Do they not know that I have an ART PROJECT due in february which I havent even started due to the fact that this particular camp has really clogged things up for me?
Well, actually no. I don't think they know. But I don't think they would particularly care even if we told them. Urgh. Why do I have to be so godamn 'qualified'. I have come to the point of not even caring if they see what I'm writing here. Who cares if they read and check up on our blogs. Frankly, I think that it's an invasion of privacy...but yah ok I know LEGALLY that isn't the way ot works coz really, once we make it public for the world to see, our intention is for people to read it. Not privacy. It kinda stinks that way.
You see?!! I'm becoming paranoid. I can't even say 'sucks' anymore for fear my teachers could be reading this! Haha....then why post it right? Hahaha...ok u got me there.
Anyway, I believe that there is such a thing as the right to free speech and expression. So what if I say some rubbish on my blog? I mean people totally bang other people on their own blogs and nothing's happening. I understand that sometimes it can get too far, and slander is obviously an understatement, but hey, if I dun name names and I really just say all this here to release tension and note down emotions, I don't think it's any of ur beeswax. Yes. Right on.
:D okay, I'm not sounding logical anymore. I swear I think it's these nail fumes that I'm breathing in. That's gotta be it. Seriously. In fact I think I'm starting to sound almost like a bimbo. No make that a bimbette. More class! :D LOL...aww man u know your life is getting pathetic when you start laughing at ur own jokes.
Okay now, I shan't bore u with my stupid lala land stuff now, I shall leave and make my grand exit.
Adios Amegoes and Sayonara. (is that how u spell it?)
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
9:59 AM
