One handedness is getting old. Fast. I want my other hand back now!!! Haahaha... well, having the use of one hand really stinks! And I feel so awkward too!! Going around school with one arm in a sling dosn't bode well with my 'let me be invisible' personality. Wearing shirts that are incredibly bright in colour don't help either.
Oh well. Just blame me and my clumsiness. BLEH.
I've started to seriously study now. Not that it's been that efficient what with my arm and all. Haiz.
I'm actually quite tempted to cut off my bandages and take out my splint. The itching has been driving me around the bend and up the wall! ERGH... and I can't even relieve the itch... irritating. It's a good thing the sensation comes and goes. If not, I think I'd be one hell of a pissed off councilor. =) hahaha... imagine me with a bazooka! :P
Bees again. So annoying. The were swarming outside the fourth floor this afternoon. In alarming numbers I might add. Just watching them swarm gave me the shivers. BLEH. I've gotten stung by a bee before. And it's really quite painful. Hahaha.. I've gotten myself into so many predicaments really... I don't think the last few years have been very kind to me. BLEH.
On a lighter note though, I'm really amused by cows. Don't exactly know why, just that they seem to trigger off an awfully childish side of me!! hehehehe... oooooo cows are just so adorable! Bovines!! Hmms... reminds me of bovinity divinity! Ben and jerry's ice cream!! Yum....
I'm hungry.
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
2:30 PM
The House Dog's Grave
Robinson Jeffers (1887-1962) I've changed my ways a little; I cannot now Run with you in
the evenings along the shore, Except in a kind of dream; and you, If you dream a moment, You see me there.
So leave awhile the paw-marks on the front door Where I used to scratch to go out or in, And you'd soon open; leave on the kitchen floor The marks of my drinking-pan.
I cannot lie by your fire as I used to do On the warm stone,
Nor at the foot of your bed; no, All the nights through I lie alone.
But your kind thought has laid me less than six feet Outside your window where firelight so often plays, And where you sit to read– And I fear often grieving for me– Every night your lamplight lies on my place.
You, man and woman, live so long, it is hard To think of you ever dying. A little dog would get tired, living so long. I hope that when you are lying Under the ground like me your lives will appear As good and joyful as mine. No, dears, that's too much hope: You are not so well cared for as I have been. And never have known the passionate undivided Fidelities that I knew. Your minds are perhaps too active, too many-sided... But to me you were true.
You were never masters, but friends. I was your friend.
I loved you well, and was loved. Deep love endures To the end and far past the end. If this is my end, I am not lonely. I am not afraid. I am still yours.
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
10:30 AM
I've just learnt to play two more songs on the guitar! YAY! Happiness!! WHAT FUN!! Haiz... actually am quite sleepy. I want to go and sleep. Someone turn of the sun!! Hahaha...
I've realised that my jokes are somewhat dry and not very funny at all. In fact, I've decided, and all my body parts have unanimously agreed, that I am THE MOST NON-FUNNY person in the world. YAY! Happiness...
Hwa Chong = 10 points [but who knows what with all these ip's going on]
Anderson = 10 - 12 points
Nanyang = 15 points [but I don't even really like this school]
Poly
Laselle
OVERSEAS [hahaha... like I actually have the money like that... sigh]
LADIDA.... I want to SLEEP!!!!!!
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
9:10 AM
*smacking my head against the wall repeatedly*
WHY? WHY? WHY?
Hahahah... talk about needing psychiatric help. Haiz. I should like try purchasing eyedrops[along with a psychiatrist] or something... my eyes have been really dry these last 2 weeks. BLEH.
Ladida. SAO BAO!!! Hahaha... hot buns... heheheheh. I wonder who's the SAO BAO! Hahaha... oliver ah... haiz very naughty. Oh wells. hope he did well at syf. =) Hahaha...he and his "tuba lips" hehehehe.... Apparently he thinks he has some very kissable lips. Hehehe... And he looks like a goldfish when he tries to give smooches!! heheheh so CUTE!!!
Hmmms... Soo Soo and his fluctuating hormones?? Anne and her ever raging ones? Hahaha... they'd make an interesting pair. I wonder what would happen if we stuck those two in a locked room for a week...
=)
It would be like some horrible version of Reality TV. Hahaha... Anne would probably slaughter the poor boy. Either that or he'd do it himself! =) But then again, when faced with immense pressure, people have been known to perform miracles. Hahahah... who knows. Maybe Soo Soo will give us a surprise?? [just kidding]
Ladida... I want to SLEEEPPPP!!!
No cannot must study...BUT I'M TIRED!!No must STUDY.BUT I WANT TO SLEEP!!
STUDY!!!Ok....
Just a typical version of what happens everyday. BLEH. Haiz... Mental battle everyday. It would really be so useful if my body weren't attached to my brain. Then I wouldn't feel tired. Then I could like study all day! :P LADIDA
syf tml... just coz im in debating it doesn't mean I'm not concerned with the drama side... We're all the in the same CCA after all.
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
7:09 AM
I'm sick and tired of ppl treating us like complete shit. We're HUMAN BEINGS. NOT slaves you can shove in a corner once you don't need us anymore. And after ALL the sacrifices we've made, how can you even say what you said? ONCE! Just ONCE we can't make it and you blow your top as if we've always been unreliable. WHAT THE BLOODY HELL??!And what's with this attitude you've got with us? Chewing our heads off at every little thing. What about all the things we've accomplished? What about all the times we've done things for you that you don't even thank us for?? HUH? What about those times? Don't they count for something? We take all kinds of BULLSHIT from the students for you. We withstand them calling us all kinds of names just so YOU can run the school properly. And just so YOU can get the credit of having a good school with a good name. WHAT THE HELL??! And after all that you turn around and have the CHEEK to SCOLD US for things that REALLY aren't our fault??? We're servant leaders. Fine. I get that. We serve the school and we're not going to get any compensation. FINE. I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay with is you treating us like your punching bag. We aren't paid. We're not even given any GREAT compensations, so don't you DARE think you can go around treating us like that. Coz one day, we're not going to be there for you to scold. We'll just leave. And don't think we won't. In fact, we're on the edge of it. Even our PRESIDENT feels this way. I don't bloody care what you say anymore. To hell with my testimonial. If anyone asks. I'll just tell them the truth. The school is being run by a pair of complete imbeciles who are inccapable of running the school without us. And not only can they not do their jobs. They don't even know how to keep the people who CAN.BLAH. I hate adults who think they're better than us students JUST BECAUSE they're older. What a load of crap.ERGH.Whatever.
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
8:34 AM
If I've stopped feeling guilty... does that mean that I am beyond reproach? Does that mean that I've turned into this large empty shell void of all and any emotions that make me humane? Why do I feel so lost? Why do I feel like the world just doesn't make any sense at all anymore? What in the world am I doing? Studying? For what? To become something that in the end will mean nothing?
Insecurities + Self doubt + Life stress = Solution: ESCAPE
Have I been treating God unfairly? Am I simply treating him as a feel-good escape route from all my problems? Am I simply 'USING' him in the way men use prostitutes to release pent up frustration? Am I merely putting on an image for the world to see? Am I a servant of God? Or merely a customer purchasing an hour of 'holy time' to escape from work and family pressures?Have I been praying for the right reasons? Or am I merely praying to keep up an image - for myself. Because maybe that's it. Maybe it's not the world that I am trying to decieve, but truly the only one I'm hiding the truth from... is myself.Understanding God more means understanding myself more. And do I REALLY want to do that? Do I want to discover all my ugly monstrosities that lie like fat deposits in my very veins? Do I REALLY want to know what I am like inside? What my true intentions are behind every thought and every word? Do I want to take away that layer of clean paint to reveal the ugly scars that truly lie beneath the smooth surface? If I do that, what will happen?Will I succumb to the monster? Or will I be able to swallow my pride and lay down my faults for God? Will I dissolve into a grotesque mess of tears and hollow emptiness? Or will I be able to hold my head high, breathing in the faint scent of my slowly diminishing anguish and pain? Will I let the demons within erupt and rip me into pieces? Or will I stand strong and take my sword to battle?What will happen? It can go either way. Am I strong enough? Do I trust in God?Is God there for me?So many Questions.Insecurities + Self doubt + Life stress = Solution: ESCAPE
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
11:50 AM
Exhaustion seems to be catching up with me. I've been really tired these last few days and have been trying to keep myself afloat, but somehow, today was really not quite right. I went to my school's chapel [yes, we have a chapel in our schl] to pray and after a moment, I suddenly woke up and found myself sleeping. ERGH. So disappointed in myself. Well I actually did pray, but I guess I'm just surprised that I managed to doze off while kneeling down.
I really should start looking after my health- physical, mental, emotional. I mean the O's are coming up and it isn't as if I can afford anymore sick time off. It's now or never folks and as much as I love the donkeys, the most I can do is silently protest from my little electric box. I'm much too busy to go out there and actually do something proactive.
I've started the mini training sessions with the sec 1's. And there's some hope yet into getting them in shape for the upcoming debate com. [I have faith - lots] There's this particular sec 2 who seems pretty bright. I think she'd make for captain of the debating club after I'm gone. Remind me to mention this to Mrs. Poi.
ARGH! I hate feeling anxious. It does weird things to my hormones. Sheesh. Oh wells. Nighty!
PS. SAVE THE BLACK DONKEYS!!!!
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
1:30 PM
Divine Mercy. Nice video. Was pretty interesting. Learnt a lot. Thank God I didn't have to learn it all from Jude. I'd die if it was a tutorial from Jude. Although I do have an aching butt now.
INTERESTING THING**
Miguel turned up today. [is that how you spell his name?] YAY! I'm so HAPPY!!! You girls know this means right? Hahahha... FRESH MEAT.... hehehehehe. I'm very glad Tim Tim managed to wrestle him over. Well, okay, It's not just Tim Tim. I guess we've got to thank Oli too! Hahahha.. yups! Hmmms...
I'm going to be overloading myself with work soon. I've decided that I can no longer afford to be slacking off anymore. IT's APRIL!!! ARGHHHH... and now the bloody freekin' prelims are taken into consideration.
I swear if I get my hands on that idiot who made this decision I'm going to rip him from limb to limb and string those pieces along my clothesline. And I swear if you other bloody idiots prize your manhood, you'd better not get any MORE bright ideas about my future. Coz if you do... You'll end up wishing you didn't know the meaning of pain. *brooding*
ERGH...
Ok, vented my frustration. YAY! Happy that Miguel turned up today. WHEEEEEEEEEEE... happy that God has brought our beloved Holy Father to be with him and happy that the world hasn't come to an end. Yet.
Rushing off now. Got to go. Byes!
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
1:56 PM
Today was very... erm ... how do I put it? Interesting?I learnt how to load and shoot a gun. Well, not actually GET to shoot one, just in theory. Ironically, Mr Teoh, somehow thought it appropriate to use our civics and MORAL education period to talk about GUNS. Oh no, and not just any gun. He's teaching us to use M-16s. And he even drew a diagram for us and made u memorise the step in using an M-16.1. First you need to load the gun with a magazine and once you hear a click sound, you know it's loaded in.2. Next you need to 'cock' the gun. Which basically means to just take off the safety.3. Aim and fire.Of course, this is just the simplified version of the story. There's much more to what he told us. Remind me tell you about it one day when I'm free. Then, even more ironically, he asked us to go watch ' Saving Private Ryan' [which you all know is NOT rated PG]. And all this happened during our CME period. He is one helluva cool teacher.Of course, how we came to the topic of blasting someone's head off was actually quite an innocent topic on national security and total defense. Yup! I think highly of Mr Teoh actually, even though at times I do feel he is over paranoid. Oh wells. You get to learn SO much being around him. He's full of delightful information.Oh Oh and he EVEN told us to carry around with us a titanium steel pen and practise stabbing with it in case we get cornered or something. Yups. 'Aim for the jugular' he says. 'practise on a watermelon' he says. All during CME.I'm sorry, I just can't get over the fact that he was telling us all this during CME. Anyway, other than that I had an okay day. I guess what was slightly more interesting was the fact that we tried to trick our teacher into letting us off a whole 45 mins earlier! Hahaha.. and she actually did!! [but in the end we didn't leave and decided to continue our work] But you see, following the tradition of playing pranks on teachers, we decided to adjust to clock so that it was a whole 45 mins faster. And we decided to hide all the A-maths textbooks so that she would see an empty cupboard. =) I tell you we were laughing so hard!!! And she wasn't even angry!Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. What an... interesting day it's been. I guess it isn't entirely over yet. I've still got Luman Gentium later. ARGH... tired.....Wells, got to go!
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
7:40 AM
