Ergh! I know! I KNOW! lol... I'm not supposed to be coming back online yet. Sigh... Well, I just have to. I need to paste this memory right here so I won't forget it all in the midst of my 'funeral' (don't you think major exams really suck?)YAY! Good news. My story was published!! YAYAY! Lol... and it wasn't edited even! Lol... so happy. Okay.... so maybe it wasn't something prestigious like a magazine or in some fancy book, but how often do you see your work being printed and given such 'honour' ? It really was something.To be honest. I've been doubting myself a lot lately. I feel really... demoralised. And to have someone come up to me - a teacher - and tell me, she was blown away by my writing, I suddenly feel rejuvinated... hopeful. I feel as though the world is still mine for the taking...And it just seemed to get better and better. A few days after, I found out they actually PLAY- ACTED my script! MY, script. MINE! Not anyone elses, but mine. I might sound pig-headed to you, but it's not that at all. Sure I'm proud... but to me it's something so much more than pride. I don't know if you've ever felt this way, but if you have, you'll know what I'm talking about. And to have this moment come at a time when I was feeling insignificant, untalented, useless... I feel like it's truely a gift from God. I don't know if I'll ever continue my journey as a writer ( lol professional or not)... but, this feeling will forever be etched in my memory - especially since I have it here - and I just thank god for the inspiration and miracles he has worked within me and around me.I think pure unadultered joy is something hard to experience. Don't you think? Somehow, as we grow older, as we shed our cloaks of innocence, don't you feel as if everything has suddenly become so much more complicated? The feeling of joy... tinged with pride, lust... why can't it ever just be... joy? But I think... and I can't tell for sure, coz it's been ages... but the moment I saw my name on the list... it was a moment of real joy. A feeling of bliss untampered and untainted. It's funny though. If you were to ask me to describe it in essence, I wouldn't be able to. It was a moment, a fleeting moment. Because after that, the reflex action of adult-hood and complicatedness start to edge its way in...Haiz... I know I sound weird. And i feel weird too. It's crazy.... I shouldn't be up at this time of the day.... but... I don't know. I guess I haven't talked to anyone in a real long time... and this has been a great outlet. I should stop now... today's another big day for me... I think i should rest.Sleep.
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
6:13 PM
