24 JULY 1006
Just as I was telling Gen, I don't think there are enough words in the dictionary to describe how exhausted I am. Almost every day, for the last three weeks, has seen me leaving house at 6 plus in the morning and coming home past 10 PM. And not because I was out late partying and having a blast, but because I was AT SCHOOL killing myself and trying to finish my assignments. Nope, scratch that. I was TOO BUSY trying to finish my assignments to even contemplate killing myself. It's THAT sad people.
That's the main reason why I really haven't been posting on my blog. Sorry to you my jolly fellows *Cough*JANICE*Cough* who come to my blog hoping to see something new 'wisdom'. I really didn't intend to give you guys false hope. The thing is, I never knew school would be such a killer.
I am hugely disgruntled at the fact that the other Fine Arts courses have a lighter load than ours. In fact - and this I found out first hand from both students in the other classes as well as teachers- our course load is pratically twice theirs! They don't have to keep "JOURNALS" or documentations of their ideas, in fact, they can even finish their assignments(exam pieces) during class time!! ARGH!
I suppose that this is the hardship we "scholarship holders" have to go through huh? *sigh*
I would like to, at this time, point out my disgust and frustration at some really ignorant people out there.
I don't see why you should be bloody looking down at me just because I'm at a bloody freakin school of art. Is there a bloody freaking Great Divide between JCs and Art Schools?!! I'm a freakin 13 pointer with 4 bloody A's and a bloody A1 for my CCA record, so I don't bloody well see what the hell you're looking down at. Fine! So maybe you AREN'T looking down at me per se, but I can see the pity in your eyes as I mention where I'm schooling at.
For your information, I work HARDER or just as hard as any other JC student out there AND even AFTER I bust my ass during the weekdays, I still go all out to cover Lit and GP on the weekends! It's FINE! I understand how society VALUES that stupid piece of paper, but I don't need YOU to tell me.
Intelligence - of which you apparently have none - is not based on the school you go to. The ability to MUG and one's intelligence are absolutely two VERY separate things. The ability to vomit up pages of information memorised from a textbook and the ability to THINK are unfortunately for you NOT one and the same.
Art schools are NOT schools for slackers, neither is Poly. There will ALWAYS be the few who play around and don't concentrate on their studies, but doesn't that ring true with JCs and even Universities? Is there any REAL reason why I should be any less respected than, lets say, someone from RJC? I learn history, I write reports, essays and thesis'. I plan projects, I have oral presentations. I don't see how I am losing out in anyway.
The preconception many have is that art is art. Art is NOT just painting or drawing. There is history, literature, culture and even politics in Art. Art is not a flimsy subject that we people take for fun, or that any person can pass with two eyes closed. It is a vast well of knowledge that is perhaps even deeper than your bloody regulated education system.
And by the way, just for your knowledge, while your good little kiddy is chalking up student loans for you to clear, I'll already be earning a salary as a QUALIFIED teacher. And not at some nursery or kindergarten, at SECONDARY SCHOOL. Yeah. I'll probably be teaching your grandkids someday. How do you like that?
ERGH!
Sorry. Just had to get that out. I was holding that in for the longest time. I in fact pity people who are so ignorant about these things. Because in the end, where does that strict, straight-jacketed attitude land them at? If they're brilliant, fine. They'll end up as great successful bankers, lawyers, doctors. But what if they're only average? Of average intelligence, skill, capability? What then? What has JC done for them? They haven't learnt any skills there, nor about the need for independence and social 'correctness'. When they leave JC, they'll be in a mess. And then what? Waiters, maids, 7 eleven cashier(not that there's anything wrong with it, but I don't think the pay is high)?
*sigh* am just tired. I need sleep.
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
1:04 AM
Poem Untitled
How do I comprehend this darkness that engulfs my soul?
That blinds me and cages me.
How do I escape from this magnitude of sorrow that chains me to the ground?
That scars me and rapes me over and over again.
How do I erase these shards of bitter torment that plague me?
That cuts me and makes me bleed.
How do I die from these wounds that mutilate and pierce?
That kills me and taunts my slowing breath.
How do I leave these vengful tears that cloud my blurring vision?
That stops me and keeps me from attaining peace.
How do I forgive these men of evil that tortured me and sliced me?
That defiled me and slaughtered me.
How do I save these souls that know no good?
That resents me and mocks me.
How do I say I forgive?
That word that halts on my tongue.
How do I be like God?
That holds me and comforts me.
How do I be good?
That he tells me he loves me?
How do I?
Do you?
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
12:28 AM
