Saying goodbye is so hard... but I think I have to... goodbye my little blog... I will miss you. SNIFF!Goodbye to my writing stories too. SNIFF. Although maybe I won't miss you as much because those writings never meant anything to me.... OH WHO AM I KIDDING! Those writings had a part of me in them... does that sound likes it's coming from a delusional whacko? I suppose... to stop blogging would be like somewhat cutting myself off from the world i guess. But isn't this realisation just SAD! We never talk (other than on msn or thru tagboards), we never go out, unless you count school, we never meet to talk about stuff unless it's about the group's progress, or to pass messages, or to talk about differentiation... How ridiculous is THAT? That's not a friendship! That's a bloody moron (being me) who doesn't want to do things alone! God what am I ranting about... this is stupid...I can't go out. I can't stay out long... I feel like I'm fading away and perhaps this was the last means where I could convince myself that I still existed in your lives. Geez... I sound like a bloody suicide note. Well, no. I'm not trying to kill myself... although perhaps it is starting to feel that way... And all for the sake of some ink on a flimsy piece of paper. I should stop myself before it really gets harder to leave....
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
8:20 AM
Ahahaha! I posted chapter 2!! Can't believe I got it out. Hmmms...Wow... it's been a long long long long week and I'm just ready to go to sleep. *Yawn* I am now motivated to get going, because I finally realised that there is something that I want to achieve. I didn't before, but now it seems I have a glimpse of what I really am missing out on.Not that I can REALLY achieve anything at such a late point in time, but Lord help me, I will try my damndest.Anyways, at the most, I'll have the satisfaction of knowing I tried my best. BLEH. Like that's actually going to piece together my freakin' broken heart. It's now 4am! Too tired to actually think, but too awake to go back to sleep. ARGH! I'm hungry.... going off to munch food nows...
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
7:10 AM
Sheesh. Tired now.... did an hour and a half of recording which is really just draining. Imagine having to sound happy about things that aren't even that appealing to you. Imagine having to read as if you're coaxing a four year old to fall in love with mathematics for hours at a time.... I mean it would be a little different if there was another person to talk to, because at least that would mean 'communication' and at least you'd be able to feed off each other's energy and happiness... this is different. I talk to a microphone. I don't have anywhere to pull that happiness from except from myself. And so what do you expect me to be like after? Of course I'd be stoning...Of course, here I am complaining and whinning like an irritating little piece of crap, which is annoying and even I hate it, but sometimes, it just feels good to let off some steam. Phew. Ergh.... back to my filing and studying.... *YAWN*
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
10:50 AM
I can't believe they actually made it to $4mil! Wow.... I thought that their 'earnings' would be a total let down this time... oh wells. But I guess if it weren't for those cheques from all those coporate companies and temples, our donations would have seem pathetic... 'peanuts' even. Hmmms...
Hey! I thought today was a relatively good day for me, managed to get to mass on time and for the 7am one, no less! Hahaha... I guess that's what happens when you don't sleep and stay up till that time. I was busy cleaning my cupboard of all the dust and all. It was a tedious task mind, because of all the books that I had to constantly move out of the way just so I could clean the area. Took me FOREVER, but fortunately, finished in time to get to mass. hahaha...
Weird that my parents actually woke up early too. Hmmms. It's not often that we go for mass together or even get to have breakfast together. So, I think it was good. Yups!
Just tired right now... Yawns... SLEEP!
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
1:41 PM
