It's raining...
After so many weeks of dry weather, today of all days it chooses to rain.
I used to like the rain... in fact I still pretty much do. Except now when I stare out of my window, everything seems different. The raindrops that land on my face feel different. And to think it was only a few weeks ago that it last rained. So much can happen in a few days, in a few hours...
Funny how things can suddenly just change.
Us girls were having the usual heart to heart conversations in Macs today. Found out a lot of interesting things I never knew before. I'm sure THEY found out some very interesting things THEY never knew before... =)
I'm sorry if we snubbed you Tim... we were just really talking abt some very personal stuff... you know how it is. =) Oh and read the book. The first half is pretty good. It's been helping me these last few days. =)
To the LOG people reading this, pls try to bring $4 next sunday. We're collecting for the month of March and we're going to be using most of it for the banner. [the one jointly made with YV]
And to Anne, if you're reading this, my answer to your question while we were standing by the road is: Yes, we've talked.
And if you want to know what happened, I'll tell you another time. =)
Oh it's stopped raining... so fast... Why do things always happen at the times you don't want it to happen?
Question for today: If you suspect that your friend has feelings for someone you like, what do you do? What in the world do you do? [ I think it's a GREAT question to ask!! ]
Hahahaha.... sheesh... it's not raining anymore. That's sad.
Ladida. thnx Marcus for the reply letter/card thingy. Means a lot to me too. =) Ps. Your brother is supposed to come to our youth grp meeting this coming Sunday... must make sure he come okay? Hahahah ...you probably won't read this. But I suspect the msg will be passed along. =)
I'm angry at someone. Let's call him M. M has been SOOOOOO frustrating!! Do things without asking one! Never even ask if we got any objections to anything... just assume only... ERGH...
My head is muddled up. I'm thinking of so many things right now... probably why my blog today is so jumpy... jumping from one thing to another... ahahahha... sheesh. I'm befuddled. =)
I wonder how D and HS are doing. At times I miss them and I regret how I treated them. It's funny how things can just change in a blink of an eye.
Time just moves too fast...
Haiz...
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
8:34 AM
Unbridled passion ... lingering lust ... burning infatuation ... sinful urges ...
How does one guard against these things?
Will merely praying get you anywhere?
Do you believe in keeping yourself for your one true love?
I'm trying to reflect on the issue of lust because really, it's only natural for human beings to feel lustful, and most certainly, I too have fought with such urges.
I've been doing some thinking, some reading and some soul searching and somehow there's just so many more questions that need to be thought through. Hmms... hahaha...it's an interesting topic. Maybe we should do a teaching or sharing on it? hahaha... Melvin kor kor u know how to do or not?? LOL... hmms... it'll be good for lent. Maybe I should ask people....
Oh wells ... those in LOG. You can start reflecting on these questions first if you want. =) Likelihood of this becoming a real session is close to none. So. Hmmms...
WHEEEEEEEEEEE...got to go.
BYEEEEEEEEEEEE
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
10:32 AM
Ladida ... I've just finished learning how to play 'love story' and now I'm attempting to master 'bridge over troubled waters'. It should be fun... finished learning half of the first page =) YAY!!!Tze Wei says I'm Musical... LOL!!! MUSICAL!! Hahahahhaa... sheesh. I'm nothing of the sort. I just play the paino for fun. =) My dad keeps telling me to go learn it properly and my mum too, but seriously, I don't think I'd like playing the piano as much if I had to start acting like Anne or Adam everytime they hear someone play a wrong chord... [yes, we've noticed how you two can't stand wrong chords]I just like playing freely. Simple songs that can emmote =) Nothing like those ridiculously long and hard preludes that never seem to end. I can't stand those. If anything, I'd rather just let someone else do all the hard work and enjoy myself listening to them. =DWHEEEEEEEEEEEE.....Somehow, maybe through diffusion or something, I've gotten the 'laziness' bug from Tim. =)I'm trying of course to stay positive for this Sunday. I'm psyching myself up for it. Got to stay positive for Bel and the others. She's been really doing us a big favour by being our go-between with Mark. Things would be much more difficult without you! =) Thnx girl!!WHEEEEEEEEEEEE.....You know it's weird... I've gotten so used to not blogging that when I actually do have the chance now, it's almost painfully difficult. Huh, go figure! I haven't exactly let go of my urge to get onto msn though...hehehe I'm still working on it. I'll slowly phase it out. =) but not that I can do anything about anything really. I mean Idon't have a computer which has an internet connection at home. My Dad and Mum refuse to set it up... they think that secretly the internet is the son of Satan reborn into society to take over the world. Yup. Well, okay. So they don't really think that. They're just concerned that I might spend too much time on the com. Which is totally justifiable. I don't think I put up much of an argument with them there. =) And anyway, season of lent. So internet, sorry.... you shall be seeing less of me from now on. ERGH.... I can't BELIEVE they're sabo-ing me into being the MC for sports day. ARGH!!!! Oh wells. I guess I don't really mind. I mean if I have to sit there for 3-4 bloody hours I might as well be bloody useful right? WHEEEEEEEEEEE....I'm off to sleep now. I know it's only 5pm, but hey. I didn't sleep the last few nights!~ You can't hide from the hidden~ Courtesy of Hazel's mag. =)
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
9:00 AM
Waiting for something to happen when you are not even sure it WILL happen takes a toll on you. It just makes you wonder why you wait. Then you remember a whole load of reasons why you do, and you continue waiting. And then after a while you start wondering and doubting again. You wonder if you read the signs wrongly or if you misinterpreted something said or done. It's slightly annoying. If only we all knew what was going on. If only we all understood what each other was thinking. Sheesh. Ignore this post. It's simply just for me to release frustration.
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
8:35 AM
Today was a really emotional day for me.
Cried about stuff I know for a fact I can't control, and yet I guess I cried not coz I was sad, but because I feel the futility of it all. It's about my parents if you want to know. But really, they didn't do anything. It was just all me. Thinking about stuff that I really can't control. Ergh... I hate speaking in morse code, but some things are hard to share ... when you yourself aren't sure of your own thoughts.
I was asked to plan a session yesterday. So I sat down last night at about 8++ and wrote out a list of things I wanted to say. It was strange, because when Tim asked me to choose a chapter from the book I simply opened it and there it was. The chapter which just seemed so relavant to last week's topic as well as lent. So there. Can't really say it was all me. It was mostly God. Yes, now that I come to think of it, every word that came out of my mouth was sent from God. Well... except that part about me kissing Adam and Oliver. =) That was ALL me!
Most ppl said it was a good session, some said it was the best they had, some said it was okay. All these comments are useful to me I guess. In the way I structure my sessions from now on. [if I EVER attempt to do another one] I still don't exactly know what's good with it and what's bad with it. I guess people will tell me after time. =) I'm lucky Jude wasn't there to see me teach. I'd clam up with him there. I wouldn't say a word. Oh I'm sure I'd get over it after a while, but somehow, it's different with him there. Sheesh...which is WHY I wouldn't make a GOOD teacher!!
Oh wells. Talked about being a servant of God and focused mainly on how we have to be selfless. It was strange. I didn't think the session went well at all. Oh wells. Who knows. Maybe I am after all my harshest critic. But you know, whether or not 'I' personally was good or bad didn't matter. What mattered was that people took home something with them. [at least I hope they did] And more importantly, that we asked each other questions. I wasn't spoon feeding anyone, no one was just sitting there being a sponge. There was good participation today. I thank God, and I thank you guys. You've been really supportive. =) Now if only the rest of the sessions were like that. =D
Love is always 'although' and never 'because'. I just told that to my friend. It's difficult. But if you manage to see the truth in this statement, you'll be amazed at how much meaning it has.
I guess I'm in a state of depression. During session I tried to be happy. I really did. I tried my best. I went to adoration room to get myself 'into the mood' and I'm sure I seemed happier. I guess I was... for a while. But after the session, I just generally fell back into the same mode of depression. It's that thing to do with my parents that's all.
ERGH... you know my blog is starting to depress me. I should do something to it. Oh wells. I'll leave happy thots to next week then.
Thanks you guys for your support. I love you!!! =)
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
7:48 AM
Somtimes, when you stare at something for long enough, you'll start seeing things that you originally didn't notice. Maybe that's how we all really are in real life. On the surface, you see someone. But do you 'see' them for who they really are? Do you notice the small things they do? Like the way they sit? The way they talk? The way their face lights up when they see someone they know? Do you see these small things? Or do you notice them and deem them as insignificant?The smallest detail could reveal a large part in someone's life. A small sigh escaping from someone's lips could actually reveal a world of doubts and fears. A single tear shed in the darkness could reveal to all the immense hole in someone's heart. Have you ever noticed? Have you ever noticed the small things? Or are you just too busy, constantly looking at the 'big picture'?Many forget that the 'big picture' never really does consider the human heart. And that's what we lack at times. Compassion. Love. All these things that make us human. Have we forgotten what it is like to be human? Have we forgotten that in life money can never buy us the world? Have we forgtten what it feels like to be alone?Have you?When you take the time to look at someone for long enough, you start to know. You know that sometimes when they smile, all they really want to do is cry. And sometimes when they laugh along with your jokes, you know that all they really want to do is shout at the world's injustices. And most importantly, you'll learn to tell, that when they scream at you to go away, all they really want, is for you to hold them close and never ever let them go.So I'm going to stare at you one day, and you're going to think I'm crazy, but all I'm really doing is 'seeing' you. Even if the world thinks I'm certifiable, I'll try. I'll try to care. Because deep down, all the world really wants, is to be understood. So, okay. Scream at me all you want. Ignore me. That's fine. I'll just remember that deep down, I know you really want to be held and I'll never let go...Something as simple as just noticing.Do you notice me?
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
8:39 AM
As you can see, I have listened to you people and have indeed posted the very much awaited photos of MELVIN and JEROME. =)
Firstly I must apologise for the bad lighting. I hate the fact that the pics turned out so dark, but if you have photoshop, editing the brightness and contrast wont be that big of a problem. If you don't have photoshop, well, you'll just have to live with it. =)
Secondly, as you might most probably have noticed, I've posted a special pic of two other lovely memebers in our grp, Anne and Adam! Hahahaha... sheesh... don't they look cosy??
Hahaha...
I must admit though that I am extremely jealous of those two. I mean come on! Did that idiot even consider my feelings? Huh? You never even really TALK to me!!! Sitting sooo close to each other some more. Some more Valentine's day coming..... Sniff. I am heartbroken.
I am of course talking about Anne.
I mean, who else would I be referring to? She was the first girl I ever confessed my feelings to and this is how she repays me. First she tells me it's Maksim. And fine! I mean how can I ever compete with a bloody CELEBRITY... but now I find out she's been cheating on me all this time with a BOY?!! AN RI BOY???!!!!
ARGH!!!
I feel betrayed.
How could you do this to me? Sniff....
Well, fine. If you REALLY didn't like me, all you had to do was just tell me the TRUTH! I would've just taken it like a woman you know. Sniff. Oh wells. I shall forgive you. After all, I'd really hate to start the New yr with spats over lost love. =) Plus, it's not as if no one else hasn't asked me out for Valentine's day. =) Hahaha...
WHEEEEEEEEEE.....
Today was a fun day. In school I tossed the Yu Sheng with my principal and vice principal!! Hahaha... After that they didn't eat it so I got the WHOLE BIG PLATE to myself!!! Hahaha... of course I didn't eat it all! I ate like two chopsticks worth and then passed it around.
I ended up being the waitress for the day and went around serving the school population Yu Sheng. They kept calling me and I had to keep stooping down for them to eat off the plate. [they were seated on the hall floor] It was a ..... weird experience I think. But still, I'm really glad today turned out pretty fine... It was nice.
After that we gals from Sotong Clan went to PS to watch Constantine. It was fun. It was a fun movie coz even though it was sooo Drama Mama and there was a bit of horror, there was comedy too. I liked the dry sense of humour. I thought some of it was corny, but some were pretty witty. =)
AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Saw Little Oliver there!!! Hahahaha... sooo CUTE!!!! Hahahha... Sheesh. Ok, so I think we embarressed him a little coz he was with his friends and we were like screaming OLIVER!!! And waving to him.... and we were like in Burger King.... =)
Hahahaha... Oh wells. I'm sorry we embarressed you! Hahahah... I just sometimes can't help myself. I get SO excited sometimes!! Hahahaha.
Somehow, I clean forgot that this whole Chinese New Year thingy involved red packets. Hahahah... I don't know how come, I just simply was too focused on other things to actually remember. It wasn't until like I was going to leave and then I realised like '' hey aren't we forgetting something?''
Hahahahahahah! My gosh... almost didn't get my red packets!! Hahahaha...
Anyway, I've got my kisses ready. I'm arming myself this sunday. Be prepared!! Hahahah =) And oh yah... if I call you up and ask to speak to your parents, don't freak... I just simply want to say hi and happy new yr... =) hahahah... okok, I got to go... my gor got to use the com already....
BYESSS ALL!! HAPPY NEW YR!!!
Ps. A good start to the New yr for Paul and Lala... =) congrats guys! You deserve it!
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
4:23 PM
anne&adam 
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
11:55 PM
make a wish [sorri upside down!] --Mary HAD a little lamb--
11:55 PM
they're munching on sticks! --Mary HAD a little lamb--
11:54 PM
pluck candles --Mary HAD a little lamb--
11:54 PM
ahahah hug and smooch! --Mary HAD a little lamb--
11:54 PM
Part 2 on observing people. Loud people are....
1] Vulnerable.
It's a sad but true fact. Loud people put up a barrier between themselves and the world to avoid getting hurt. And people always assume that these people are really insensitive. But some times, maybe, it's just the direct opposite? Well, who knows.
Am I loud? Well yah I guess. Depends on where I am I suppose. In school, I that ultra moody 'don't mess with me, quiet gal' outside school, I'm more of a fun freak. It's weird I suppose. It's like having two seperate me's. I duno.
But coming back to the point, I'm just wondering if I'm vulnerable? I suppose there's some truth to it. I do try to push people away by not letting them see 'me'. It's easier that way. I don't get hurt. I duno. Does anyone get what I'm trying to say? Hahaha..maybe not. It's a bit complicated for me too.
Well. Jude said that we as leaders need to be able to pinpoint our emotions at any given time. I duno. Maybe I should try that more? So what am I feeling now?
Hmmms... slightly disappointed I guess.
I duno. Nothing makes sense to me some times. It seems pointless at times, keeping this facade. And at other times.... duno. It seems really useful. At times, I duno if I'm saying the right things. If I'm hurting someone else with what I'm saying.... sometimes, my 'shell' has made me so ignorant. I duno what's going on some times. ERGH... people can go mad like this you know? hahaha... wells.
Haiz.
I duno what's going on. Sheesh. I dun want to think anymore. It's tiring.
Goodnight.
Ps. Happy, CNY!
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
1:27 PM
What happened today? AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!! Talked about Pierre Cardin. YAY!! It gives good support and is comfortable. All girls should not go without it! YAY! Hahahaahha...
Joan wants black, Evonne wants pink [hot pink], abi wants orange, teri wants purple, denise wants rainbow coloured one and jeslynn wants blue!!
YAY! Valentine's Day is coming soon. In 8 days time!! YAY! Cupid shall do something soon. Hmm....Jes is here to play!! YAY! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.... Hey Jes! What shall we do to cupid's list??
Jes: Oh damn
Teri: You're on that list too you know!! HAHAHAHAHHAHA ...although I should edit it and put you with someone else *hint hint*!!! YAY!
Jes: I Hate you! *Sob sob*
Teri: YAY!!! But her aside, what shall we do on Valentine's eve? Shall we push someone together?? Hahahaha.... I wonder which lucky couple will earn the privillege. Hehehhe.... an all expense paid trip to the - Canteen and adoration room!! YAY! WHEEEEEEEEEE
Jes: How fun.
Teri: I know. You can do such REALLY seductive things in the Adoration room! Hahahahahhahaha
Jes: It's supposed to be holy
Teri: I know. But you still can do such seductive things in that dark dark dark place....and if we lock the room. Heheheheheheh. No one will ever know. =)
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I wonder who we'll pick! Hmmms...
Say something Jes.
Jes: Peek-a-boo. I'm bored.
Teri: I'm bored too! Let's call ADAM!!! YAY!!
Jes: So what? you going to run down and get his number now?
Teri: Why not? After all...someone here wants to REALLY speak to him....*hint hint*
Jes: Please don't!
Teri: Ahh okay lah... dun call him ah. Call Oliver! Hahahahha. He loves me!!!! [as a friend BLEAH!] He's sweet. He reminds me of Leon. My brother's friend. Hahahahha. Sooooo CUTE!!! Gosh... why Cat high? I dun like Cat high....had bad experiences with them. BLEAH. Yikes. But then again I dun really like guys so I'd be biased.
=)
Jerome's birthday today!! He and Melvin make a good couple. I actually do have a picture of them hugging and maybe kissing, but dammit, this com doesn't have the software for me to download the pics. BLEAH!
Jes: The horror....
Yah, duno why guys seem to be gay all the time. I mean come on lor, we need more babies in singapore. If u guys keep becoming gay, then obviously we can't have any babies wad. What you want us to do? Impregnate ourselves?
Jes: How?
I duno... buy sperm from sperm bank. EH....you guys got donate or not? Hahahha... how are your genes like?
Jes: Huh? Jeans? Ohh... genes.
Teri: Hahahah! JEANS.... like I would want my child to look like JEANS.
Jes: Stupidhead.
Teri: Where got. If I'm stupidhead it's only coz my parents wore the wrong jeans. Not my fault!
Jes: Erm.. hahahahahahha
Teri: I want to go call someone. This computer doesn't talk to me.
Jes: If it did it would be quite creepy right? Robots are taking over the world!!!! ARHHHHHH
Teri: Calm down. We've got the right JEANS. No robot would dare take them. HAHahahahahha... and even if they did, i dun think it would fit them.
Jes: ????
Teri: And anyway, my computer talks to me. I listen to my com all the time. It give me good advice. Like what underwear to wear.... hmmm...
What in the hell am i talking about. I'm bored. I dun like tim tim's com. It keeps popping on me. ERGH. So annoying.
8 days to Valentine's day..
Justin's here!! HAHAHAHHA...say something di.
Just: This is stupid.
Teri: I know....but someone's got to be stupid...we can't all be clever people. We can't ALL be from RI wad... [even tho a lot of you are]
Jes: I think you're both being stupid.
Justin: dot dot dot.... this is girl talk u know.
Jes: no it's not...
Teri: I love girl talks...so fun can sabo guys one and anyway, Sim sim here not boy wad...it's okay lah...you can join in the fun!!
Just: Then what am I ?
Jes: you really want to know?
Justin: I dun mind.
Teri: Hahahahahha... you are a GIRL!!!! Heheheheh...actually you are one of those idiotic guys who turn gay and leave us poor girls to impregnate ourselves! Hahahaha...
Jes: That's a subtle way of putting it...
Teri: No where got subtle ...very straight forward what.
Justin: She was being sacarstic
Jes: No I'm not.
Justin: REally?
Teri: Who cares. My mommy calls me a bitch. She does it in front of my debating seniors... She called one of them bubbly....and the other one classy..but she chose to call me a bitch. I dun get it. Why must I be the bitch. Hmm? Soo unfair. Even tho I admit I am... that still doesnt make it fair. BLEH
Justin: I'm suppose to bring you down to play bridge.
Jes: I'm going down.
Teri: ok lah...go down already. BLEAH
Byeeeeeee
Ps. you guys can expect to get valentine's day gifts from me!! Hahaha... I'm giving you all something REALLY inexpensive! hahaha.. kisses from me!! Hahahah! MUAKS! heheheh....
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
9:17 AM
Too tired to REALLY blog about something worthwhile, so will just say something.
YAY!!! REACHED 1000 VISITORS!!! hahahah... yups. In the span of one month, I've had a 1000 hits! YEAH!!!
Bleh. =)
Wanted to change my blog template, but it's just soooo troublesome. So settled for changing my sidebar. It's got a new mood and new goodies for you to look at. hahah... although, they aren't really for you people. The loans list is for me to keep track of who I've lent books to. [coz I ALWAYS forget] and the borrowed list is for me to remind myself to actually return the book. [I have a tendancy of forgetting].
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE....
Would actually tell you more about my perverted parents, except I'm really too tired to think. thought too much during core grp meeting today. Bleah. Ergh.... brain overload. dying....
Shall go to sleep now. Got to wake up early. Bleh.
Sniff... no valentine's date!! hahahah ... it's ok. I think gideon might ask me! hahahah... just kidding. He's got army. Sniff. Even he can't ask me out. Bleh. Oh gosh....maybe Andy might ask me out. BLEAH.
Oh wells. I asked joan out. =)
Hahahha... see how. Maybe us gay gals shall go raid the town on Sunday! Hahaha... WHEEEEE!
Ps. tim tim you shld be careful of what you say you know... =) I'm temporarily Cupid remember? Hehehehehehe.....
Sleep tight people! Cupid is just waiting for that opportune moment to strike!
**9 days to go**
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
4:30 PM
