T.I.T

Since the day I set my eyes on you, I knew you'd be mine. The day I held you in my arms, I almost cried for joy. The day you left me, I knew I loved you more than even I could tell.

I didn't even have the chance to say goodbye... you just left. And all I had was... nothing. An emptiness so great it just consumes me. I just... I don't think I can ever forget something so beautiful and so loyal. You were mine and mine alone. I know that. And every time I touched you, you jumped for joy. I could see it in your eyes. You loved me. More than words could ever express. And the worst thing is, I wasn't even there for you when you needed me most.

You left without saying goodbye.

I remember when I was 6... I had just gotten you and you were so beautiful. You took my breath away. And I asked myself, 'how could anything so beautiful not have a day to celebrate it's coming into the world?' So I insisted on celebrating my birthday with you. We blew out the candles together. And that was how we started. Did you remember? Did you know how I felt when we stared into each other's eyes for the first time? Did you hate me for not being with you when the time came for you to leave? I've never stopped loving you. Did you know that?

You brought so much joy into our lives. You gave birth and I loved them, just as I loved you. How could I not, they were part of who you were. We huddled together, we sat together and we cried together over the loss of the few who couldn't survive, who were killed. And I loved you even more then.

And I grew up, I didn't love you any less, but I admit I had my distractions. I often forgot you. I went to school, came back exhausted, slept, and I forgot to spend time with you, to tell you I loved you, but I did. I did love you. Whenever I saw you. It was always there. It will always be there.

You were mine, and I was yours. I'll never forget you, how could I when I still love you?

--Mary HAD a little lamb--

12:59 PM

I've stopped crying but the pain is still there. I don't even think I can type it out here. STUPID STUPID STUPID!

--Mary HAD a little lamb--

10:30 AM

Getting my STUPID CIP records for my DSA application is like stuffing my bum through the eye of a bloody needle! It's THAT hard. I've gone to let's see... 4 teachers and NONE apparently have the power to access my record. Amazing.

And apparently, the teacher who DOES have the power is in THAILAND! The land of the TRANSVESTITES! For a HOLIDAY! ergh... And why is it I get the feeling that the teachers aren't really supportive of my friends and I applying for DSA? What's up with that? *grumbles* I'm going to sue someone one day...

Anyway, the good thing is I can still count on good ol' Mr Sim to save the day. Wrote my recommendation for me! hahah...

*sigh* just wondering what in the bleeding hell I'm supposed to write for my personal statement. It's just...I don't NORMALLY tell people that I'm 'that damn good' or that I kick ass when it comes to being a top notch leader or that I've got so many commendable qualities that I'd need a whole stack of paper to fill it all up. I mean that's just so... Pig-headed. Slosh-minded. Egotistical! SOMEBODY HELP! *sigh*

I must admit though, my portfolio is not looking all that shabby after all. I'm surprised really. I never though I'd be able to even fill one page and I've managed to fill 4. *BEAMS* In fact, I'm kinda REALLY surprised. I mean it never did occur to me that these things would just, you know, add up. Okay, no. It DID occur to me. I'm not THAT dumb. But still, to see it all come together in one breathtaking moment, it just fills me with pride.

Anyway to end of today's blog, I'd like to do a little something, SUM UP!

So, to sum up everything: ARGH! ergh. *grumbles* YAY! *sigh* HAPPY! *BEAMS*

Have a happy DAY!

--Mary HAD a little lamb--

1:45 PM

Okay. So I've realised that there really is no point to worrying anymore. I mean what will happen, will happen. DSA or no DSA, I'm still Teri, I'm still the same ol' screwed up hormonal teenager. It won't make a difference.

Hey! Guess what? I got a COW TEAPOT!!!!! SO CUTE!!!!! hahahah... it'll go along with my cow beanie, my cow soft toy and my cow key chain!!!! YAY!!! SO PRETTY!!! And I got a low pink table to replace the boxes...altho I wish it was white. Hahaha... it was kinda like my bday pressie from my parents. SO SWEET!!! hahah... hmmms... pink's good too.

Anyways, if u're bored and want to read something which i wrote even though it is completely pointless and uninteresting and utterly stupid, go to my other bloggie ...the secret confessions thingy... i posted it there.

--Mary HAD a little lamb--

1:43 PM

SCARED

My heart is just beating so fast I swear I'm about to have a heart attack... okay, breathe in and out..... in and out.... hooooooo....

Everywhere I turn, dsa, dsa, dsa.... DAMN DSA!!! If I weren't planning on applying I wouldn't give a rat's ass, but the thing is I AM - well planning that is!!! ARGH!!!!

I'm sorry... I'm just haiz... frustrated, feeling hopeless... feeling like quite a failure right now. I mean look at Kristin and Clarice, SCGS girls... dance CCA ... good grades...and THEY are worried they won't get in? What about people like me? Who come from a no name school [although seriously doesn't and SHOULDN'T say anything about my standard] with no huge awards... no smarts... well not in all the subjects... and ARGH!

Okay, well I know that's not entirely true. I mean I do okay, I get A's, I'm a good leader... done this and that, but... you know... it's the NERVES!! ARGH! I might get rejected... a high possibility you know... why?? haiz... I don't want to be rejected... and I mean I just... haiz.... WHY?

FEAR IS A TERRIBLE THING! GO AWAY I DON'T NEED YOU! YOU SUCK!

Man... my blog has suddenly taken on the rantings of some derranged teenager! Where's my old muse? I need him back!! ARGH! Studying so much has screwed up my funkadelic side of me and is turning me into this DSA drama queen which is so not ME! ARGH! Haiz... fine.

Forget it. If i get in I'll get in.

If I don't. I'll go buy kahlua and bailey's and stand on a rooftop somewhere in sengkang. Cheers.

--Mary HAD a little lamb--

2:25 PM

Wow... so I'm finally the big 16. Huh. Strangely enough, I don't think this sweet 16 thing will kick in till like after I'm 17. It's always the case isn't it? hahah...

Well ... I've always hung out with the older crowd, so turning 16 isn't REALLY all that big a deal I guess. I've always felt old enough to do anything anyway. Well ... old enough to watch the movies and all ... Hahaha... although sex is NOT on my list of to do's for my big 16. hahaha... well... not unless I get married sometime soon. Which is REALLY unlikely.
Ladida ...

I think I'm starting to get a cold...which is REALLY annoying ... I've been sniffing all day and my brain kinda feels all foggy. ERGH....

Lastly, THANK YOU ALL OF YOU FOR BEING MY FRIENDS!!!

Joan and Abi - for being my sisters all these years and for tolerating my mood swings ever since the start of my early hormonal battles. =) I LOVE YOU!!!
Hazel and Gerry and Anne - for accepting me into your little sotong clan even though I was SUCH a late comer.
Grace - for being my longest friend EVER! I'm not one to keep friendships, but yours is just too precious to give up just yet! hahah... that and you're a great homework keeper ;) hahah... kidding!
The girls of LOG - for being my feminist friends and for helping me bully the guys! I couldn't have done it without you!!!
The guys of LOG - for taking our jokes and teasings like a man.... well most of you anyway! Although I can't really blame you can I? Some of you are just genetically half-man! hehehehe....
Sarala - for just being a bigger bitch than me, THANK GOD! hahah... kidding. For being the funniest person alive and for treating me like an equal!
Xiwen - for taking care of my brother =)
Leon - for being one of the SWEETEST guys alive. I LOVE YOU!!!
My parents - for making me! hahah... and for being the COOLEST parents alive. I would not have made it this far without your support and encouragement!
My brothers - for being the perfect role models in my life. I would never have had experienced so many wonderful things without you.
GOD - for being my one constant even when I wasn't. Thank you.

And now that I have come to the end of my incredibly long list of thanks, I just wanna say, YOU GUYS HAVE MADE ME WHO I AM TODAY!!!

So if you don't like me it's all your fault!! hahahah...

CHEERS TO BEING 16!

--Mary HAD a little lamb--

1:48 PM

ROOM WARMING ON SATURDAY!!!! 21st MAY!!! COME COME COME!!!

Oh... and please help oliver sell his cat high concert tickets!

--Mary HAD a little lamb--

11:14 AM

FUNNY FUNNY POEM!!!

hahahah... it's takes one's dirty mind to turn this innocent poem into something funny actually... hehehe. So, if you REALLY think you're so innocent, DON'T NEED TO READ LAH! haha...

The Sky was dark
The moon was high
All alone
Just her and I
Her hair so soft
Her eyes so blue
I know just what
She wanted to do
Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
Down her spine
I didn't know how
But I tried my best
To put my hands
Upon her breasts
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
But slowly
She spread her legs apart
And when she did it
I felt no shame
All at once
The white stuff came
At last it's finished
It's all over now
My first time ever
Milking a COW!

HAHAHAHAH!!! You thought DIRTY right??? hahahah... I love cows! Lovely little bovines! Yum.... anyways. Hmmm... Let's talk about Yesterday.

You guys are ... ARGH! hahaha.... I mean YES, I happened to look more feminine, but you didn't NEED to say it out LIKE THAT.... I mean you could have just said 'you look nice today teri' or 'that's a very feminine outfit your wearing' ANYTHING actually, instead of 'you're looking MORE feminine today'. Do you realise the implication of that statement? It means I normally DON'T look feminine! ARGH! Even Anne's comment, 'Heeeeeyy..... you look cute today!' sounded WAY better. [Altho come to think of it... it's kinda disturbing having her say that to me, now that she's not exactly...well, how do i put it. GUY-crazy anymore.]

Hahahha... oh wells.

Went to see 'it takes two', starring Hossan Leong and Selena Tan. Funny... although Hossan is definitely a better playwrite compared to Selena. I mean some of her jokes are just CRUDE. Hossan's SO much better on his own. His previous show, 'Live with Hossan' was UNBELIEVABLY witty and I tell ya, that man, there's no holding back with him! And he tops it all off with a dash of quirky antics and breath-taking songs. He truely is Singapore's Golden Boy.

It definitely didn't REALLY show in this particular stand-up act with Selena. Even if he did have an alone section.... I think Selena's scripts just don't cut it to be the best in Singapore. Hossan Tops her anytime.

But still, for a laugh of two, 'it takes two' was an overall all right show, starting with a cute intro of song and ending with one particularly "patriotic" one displaying Singaporean's attitude towards the Ir's. heheheh... I don't think I shall be forgetting that anytime soon.. =)

ANYWAY.. for those who even come online anymore, [if you are, WHAT THE HELL YOU DOING ONLINE! NO O'LEVELS ISIT?] I'm kind of having a 'room warming' BBQ on the 21st of May. It's a Saturday... and will probably start around 5+ ? hahah... yups. I doubt you people come online anymore, so I shall hmmm... inform you guys another way.

LADIDA. GOODNIGHT! And SAVE the COWS!

--Mary HAD a little lamb--

2:25 PM

YAY! The paint job is OVER!! Well, mostly over. Just a few touch ups here and there. Hahah...but on the whole, the room looks great! Sort of a light cream for three walls with the last wall painted a camel brown. I'm going to buy a white shelf and place it against the camel brown wall! It'll be sooooo beautiful! And not only that, but my books will definitely spice up the room! The books I have are just so colourful! From acid pink to lime green, from white to black, from gold to dull green! I just can't WAIT to get my stuff together!

And I'm going to get a bed too. A nice low bed, with comforters and all... I wonder what colour I'll make 'em.... hmms... maybe orange! hahah... I'm so happy. Everything seems to be running along just fine. hahah... but i guess the furniture will have to wait. Prelims are first. *sigh*

The city of Orange Trees was a pretty interesting read. Although irritatingly intellectual. =( hahah... I liked the little ironies hehehe it was a cute poem. Hmmm and it even sounded to me like on a another level there was a sort of blibical implication.... hmms.

SLEEP! I need some SLEEP! didn't sleep the whole of today and yesterday. Tried going to bed at 12 ++ yesterday and couldn't sleep. So got up and tried doing my maths.... and in the process realised that the radio stations play GREAT music from around 2-3 am [esp since there's no DJ so it's just music non-stop] and I also realised that the 'filler music' which is absolutely disgusting comes on at around 4-5 am.

Made chocolate crumble cake with kahlua. YUM! helped Paul cook dinner. The menu looked like this:

1. little wantons filled with minced meat and prawns
2. one whole chicken marinted with thyme and garlic
3. home-made pasta with fresh herbs.

Desert was supposed to be the cake...but you know. The cake took a little longer than expected :P

hmmms... too much to think about these days. So I end up trying not to think about anything. Talk about escapism. I'm the prime example. ERGH.

I need a massage.

--Mary HAD a little lamb--

12:20 PM

I'm going to go buy paints for my room!! hahah yay!! Strangely enough I have the silliest urge to go all wierd and paint cows!! Hahhaha.... nice normal cute cows. The kind of cows you see on my blog! hahaha... I like cows.

Anyway, I shan't really do that, because I'm definitely going to regret doing that in half a month's time, but maybe I'll just paint the walls flat colours :) I know, I know... how boring can that be right? hahhaa yah wells, my furniture should make it colourful enough! I mean, I have bright pink curtains! hahaha... well not really pink... more fuschia. hehehe

Now all I need is a cupboard, a bed, a wardrobe and a desk. Think rainbow colours =)

Anyways, the aircon man FINALLY arrived. Just in time I might add. The weather these days is just unbearable! All I need to do is sit still and already I'm melting like butter in the sahara dessert. Not that I taste as good... or not that my house is filled with sand, but you get the idea. *Sigh* Nice lovely, cool, aircon to keep me from feeling like a bloody water fountain.

Had some weird dreams the last few days, I dreamt that LaLa's team lost in JG's. Hahhaa... strange why I'd even dream that don't you think? Oh wells, I do wonder who won. I suppose I'll find out soon enough. Anyway, the weirder dream was the one where I actually was in a JC studying and all. Don't ask me which JC though. For the life of me I can't remember even if I tried! Hahaha... some other weird dreams like me getting a damning sms for ms teh. Hahhaa.. yup. Haiz...

The stress is pilling on. My stomach churns everytime I think of the prelims next week. Not that they are particularly important, I mean after all only the chinese o's are counted, but hey, it's just... I don't know. I suppose I'm getting caught up in all the fuss. I find myself studying when I have free periods, during recess, in the taxi. And just last week I was totally oblivious!

This is a good thing though. It is, really.

Right.

I'm so dead.

--Mary HAD a little lamb--

9:03 AM