I finally, FINALLY get my timetable from SEAB. And I'm scheduled to sit for my tests in Oct and in Nov. It's strange though. Like before, I never really felt nervous or anything about the exams, but now, it's like there's this finality to it, like this little slip of paper has sealed my fate or something. Hahah... funny right? That something so biodegradable has this kinda gigantic effect on me. hmmm....
Am worried though as to how I'm gonna break it to my school that I'm gonna take off for a few days to sit for my A's. I don't know if they'll take kindly to it, after all, they're kinda strict about attendance. Especially since it's a scholarship and all... *sigh* hopefully I'm just making a big fuss out of it and nothing nasty will happen. Hopefully.
Nothing much to say in my blog today. Am all wiped out.
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
11:04 PM
Just came back from Thailand, the so called "land of smiles". I gotta tell you that it wasn't all smiles down there. I had the misfortune of running into one of the worst shop-keepers in my entire life. And it really ruined the day for me, because I was so bloody pissed off whenever I thought of the inccident. Even thinking of it now is making my blood boil.
But overall, it was a worthwhile trip. I managed to cover most of my agendas and even did some kayaking. The scenery was just picturesque. I mean honest to God, it was so beautiful that I even felt like drifting there in my kayak
forever.... the trees on both banks with lush foliage and overhanging branches... flowers and rocks everywhere... elephants right next to me... ahhhh.... it really was an experience. And yes. There really were elephants.
And while I was off having my vacation, my rabbit seemed to be doing some of his own too. By the looks of it, my rabbit has gained quite a bit of weight. Well, I guess it's ok if you consider that rabbits are supposed to be these big balls of fluff that do nothing but sit there, eat, sleep, and look adorable enough that you'll continue to let it eat, sleep and sit there doing nothing but look adorable. *sigh* I wish I had that kinda life!!
My doggy on the other hand is looking a little shabby... I hate to say this, but I think he's getting old... *sob*... it really would be kinda lonely without him, I mean after all, he does trail me wherever I go in the house... if he goes, it'll kinda be like my shadow is missing or something... you know what I mean? I don't want to think about it....
*sigh* Holidays are ending soon. Don't know if I've done anything you would call 'productive'... so I'm kinda depressed about it right now. Of course I'm rectifying the problem, but I wonder whether it'll be enough. Maybe it's because I went off to Thailand and did nothing there but have fun, but now that I'm back and holidays are ending, I feel like there's this oppressive weight that's slowly descending upon me... like there's this stress of not doing any real work.... urgh.
In any case, wish me luck and say a prayer for me, I think I'm gonna need it for these next few weeks. I have a funny feeling that something will crop up soon.
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
2:02 AM
"If only this moment would last forever..." I can't seem to shake myself of this phrase. I mean, I seem to think it so often, it's as though I'm constantly looking back and longing to relive past memories or like I'm trying to prolong the bliss of a moment... like Gatsby I suppose, though not as deranged.
It is human nature right? Most normal people do this? But why do I always feel so guilty at the end of the day. Like I haven't appreciated anything at all. Like I haven't appreciated the fact that every day, is life breathed into my flabby body, giving me the opportunity to create more wonderful times in the present.
I mean sure, I'm not delusional enough to live for the past, I do plan for my future and I like living the life that I have... but always, that hungy, never satiated side of me seems to crave for the happiness of another time long gone. Sometimes, when I'm alone - like now - thoughts like these make me feel a little guilty on the inside.
Millions around the world suffer the life of never knowing a happy moment where they can say "I wish this would last forever". In fact, for many, they're only thoughts are "what can I do to survive today."
It is undoubtedly hypocritical for me to say all this because after all I might not change, but I don't know. Right now, there are many more things that I have to worry about other than being 'right all the time'.
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
1:05 AM
